Brother, Dearest

I had the best conversation with my brother tonight. It was genuine and real and something we haven't done in quite some time.
Growing up, we were quite close and played together constantly. However, we drifted after I left for college and he was stuck at home alone with our sweet but overbearing zealot of a mother.
Since he moved to Austin this past spring, we've been able to see one another a few times and he even spent the entire weekend with Adam's family out on the boat. It wasn't until tonight though that I felt like we overcame a huge obstacle in our relationship and progresseed to becoming great friends again. He called to tell me he was drafting a letter to each of our parents to address their rude, awkward behavior toward one another since their separation over twenty years ago. He was requesting that they put grievances aside once and for all for my wedding so we could actually sit down as a family and I wouldn't have to worry about a thing on my day. I couldn't believe he thought to do such a sincere act for me and I was greatly touched. We talked about how odd our family is and how rare it was for them to speak honestly about life, and how grateful we were that we could be so candid with one another.
It occurred to me recently just how self absorbed I had been after I left home at age 18. He was 13 and greatly needed me at the time. He said that he too just realized how he harbored resentment toward me for many years because of it. I apologized to him for not being there for him or making more of an effort to check in. He understood, in light of our overprotective upbringing that it was easy to run away and not look back and he didn't blame me at all.
He even said he loved me, which has always been a difficult thing for him, and I know that he meant it. The damage done by our father's absence weighed heavily upon his growing up but I'm so proud of the man that he is becoming.
It's taken us a long time to get to this point but I'm extremely excited that we finally arrived here and I look forward to hopefully reuniting our family.

Ode to sleeplessness

Here I am again, exhausted and out of my bed when I should be sleeping, shaking limbs causing unsteady keystrokes. I am so tired of not sleeping and I wish for the life of me that someone could finally figure out what is wrong with my insides. My digestive system is completely out of whack and I've lost 20 lbs in the last six months. Most who know me well, know my meager frame cannot really spare the poundage. I honestly think I look fine but my clothes are too big and I feel like absolute crap 60% of the time. I've had multiple tests run to no avail and I'm going to a different doctor for another batch after Christmas. I just pray he can finally find a solution so I can feel like a normal human being again...and eat a full meal without feeling sick...and get a good night's sleep for a change. Oh how I miss sleep.