Fear or Fate?

So, I finally regained access to this lovely little wordy outlet and for the first time in a while, I am rather at a loss for words.

Life has been so peacefully coasting along for the past six months or so, but it feels as though there are gears in motion beneath the surface over which I possess little control.

I realize that we all enact a selfish agenda from time to time, but some seem more self-motivated than others, and it puzzles me greatly. My usually giving heart gets taken for granted more often than not, which has caused me to be much more guarded and at times, hypersensitive. In the not so distant future, fate will intervene, and decisions will have to be made by others. As a result, I, in turn, will be prompted to make some tough choices, of which I am not sure I am prepared for the uncertain outcome. Is it truly possible to gain it all by giving it up? Could I be afraid of failure or foward motion? Sometimes I wish it were possible to erase the past and go back to the good, but sometimes too much happens that makes it impossible to forget.

My comfort lies in those constants, who, despite the frequency of visitations, are exactly that...constant. I know that whenever I pick up the phone, they will always be willing to listen, and vice versa. Knowing I'm not alone in such quandries is also an added assurance.

In the interim, I attempt to not as often as I should prayerfully take one day at a time.

I do believe that some avenues are leading to positive change and growth, especially those related to my career. I've been granted more responsibility and creative authority/decision-making power and it's refreshing. I'm overseeing the redesign of approximately a 10,000 sq foot area of offices, classrooms, lobby and main reception of the entire business. It's daunting yet exhilirating.

Hormonal imbalance makes me overanalyze too much. I guess I had more to say than I realized.